I have been pretty low these days… very blue actually and I don’t know why. Actually I do know and I also don’t know... it's complicated.
I miss Islamabad so frikkin’ much … and it's not just because I miss Ami and Ana…I miss the weather, I miss the hills, I miss the places I shopped at, I miss knowing everywhere there is to go, I miss the short distances, I miss the 24 hour electricity, I miss random lunch dates with friends, I miss my long walks… there is SO much to miss.
I used to like Karachi… and I still don’t hate the city as such. It's living in Malir Cantt that is killing me. Aik tau it is so far away from ANYTHING that we cant do anything in the evenings… not that we have time because since we live in Malir Cantt by the time we get home in the evening it's 8 if not later.
I miss working in Isloo when I could leave my house at quarter to 9 and still be at work on time. I miss being able to leave work at 5.30, walk for an hour in F9 park and still be home by 7. Here I leave for work at 7.30 am and STILL have a hard time reaching work by 9. But Malir Cantt is a nice safe place to live in… at the expense that you are left with no time to actually have a life!!!
Plus I feel such a bitch these days… I know it's because I am frustrated because of the lack of free time on my hands… every thing … every teeny tiny little thing about my MIL pisses me off SO much. Things that would have otherwise been highly amusing make me HATE living with my in-laws. And I KNOW that I am at fault here for being na-shukra. (ungrateful)
I have Mashallah a very nice susraal. But yaar, banday ke personal issues ki bhee koi hudd hoti hae. No matter how much I tell myself ke ye in kee ghalti nahi hae, she is just a suppressed, insecure woman… but no matter how understanding I try to be, there’s a little voice inside me that keeps saying “…so she has issues… why do you have to suffer?” But like a good Bahu I keep my mouth shut in front of the parents… but obviously I get upset and then that results in me lashing out at poor Mo.
The Parents in law treat M and BIL like such babies still…I being a girl and all was still given more freedom than they have even now… and they’re so used to it that they don’t even know what they are missing. They have NO friends and they don’t go out anywhere alone. Height of entertainment is that the poora khandaan, mummy daddy and bachay mil ker aik gaari mae ice cream kha ker aatay haen…
To me there is something very abnormal about a 24 year old university going boy who comes home at 2 and stays indoors all day all the time. Not once in the 8 months I've been here have I seen BIL go out with friends… nor Mo for that matter but he at least did go out now and then before we got married, now he doesn’t go because of me. That’s ok but I want US to make friends and have a social life.
M and BIL have been (and still are) mollycoddled to the extent that they don’t even serve food for themselves at mealtimes. M does now but BIL still says “Ami mujhay khana nikaal den...” and if Ami is not around I have to do the honours. I always used to think my bro was nikkamma but these two take the cake. They can’t iron, they can’t even light a stove with a match because they have never been allowed to.
******
Ok I wrote all of the above before lunch. For lunch break I went with Rabs to the Forum where I bought some lingerie… and I ate ice-cream so I am happier now... or lets say I’ve numbed myself for sometime if not made myself happier.
0 comments:
Post a Comment